


Damned if I Do, Bored if I Don't.

by kingstonkingdom



Category: Doctor Who, River Song - Fandom, Upstairs Downstairs (2011)
Genre: Crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-24 07:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/937243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingstonkingdom/pseuds/kingstonkingdom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sir, she is doing it again. River Song is packing.” The guard says into the telephone, with a monotone voice. He knows all too well that there is nothing he can do to prevent her from leaving, but informing the Warden is protocol.<br/>Seconds later, he hears the sound of cracking thunder from behind him. He turns around to find exactly what he was expecting, a puff of smoke and a vacant cell. </p><p>River’s destination: London, 1938.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Allow Me to Intorduce Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work ever, so please be gentle. =]

“Sir, she is doing it again. River Song is packing.” The guard says into the telephone, with a monotone voice. He knows all too well that there is nothing he can do to prevent her from leaving, but informing the Warden is protocol.  
Seconds later, he hears the sound of cracking thunder from behind him. He turns around to find exactly what he was expecting, a puff of smoke and a vacant cell. 

River’s destination: London, 1938. 

During one of her recent escapes, she found herself in a rather interesting nightclub filled with creatures, some she had never seen before, but were all very friendly. She ended up dancing the night away with a rather handsome-looking droid. It was the most fun she had had in a long while. Taking a break at the bar, sipping a rather fascinating drink filled with multi-colored bubbles, she overheard a conversation of someone claiming that a Plasmavore somehow escaped from the Judoon in a hospital on the Moon by faking her death, and was hiding out in 1938 London. River knew this could have just been idle gossip, but she thought it would be something interesting to check into. If her husband was off having adventures, then she could to. 

She was no stranger to this time period. Besides being in the TARDIS, a museum was her favorite place to be. Having studied archeology, she frequented museums all over time and space to pass the time between visits with her Doctor. She had been to the British Museum twice before. Because of this, she knew how to dress to fit in. She felt pretty confident in her get-up, but thought she needed something to pull the look together, like some sort of accessory. She then noticed an interesting-looking shop that had an assortment of items displayed in the window; hats, broaches, scarves, among other things. If she was going to find something, this place was where it was going to be. There were so many things to look at, so she figured she would just wander and hope something would jump out at her. That was when she spotted them. She knew the moment she saw them that this was exactly what she was looking for. Perfectly round, same color, same shape, same everything. Amy’s glasses. Her mother’s reading glasses. 

She left the shop feeling more satisfied with her purchase than she expected to. The next order of business was to find this Plasmavore. She spotted a café across the street with tables outside. She was feeling a bit peckish, so she crossed the street and sat herself down. While sipping her tea and nibbling at her pastry, she powered up her scanner hidden in her purse. Since she was sitting outside, she was hoping she would get lucky and that sneaky creature would walk right past her. While sitting there, her mind begins to wander to thoughts of her husband. What is that mad man up to? What sort of trouble has he gotten himself into? River has been on her own quite often, and has learned to truly enjoy her own company. It was only until recently that she rediscovered how much more enjoyable things can be with the Doctor involved, adventures or otherwise. The more time she spends with him, the harder it is for her to be alone.

After spending three hours in this less-than-desirable patio chair daydreaming about her husband, River’s legs were beginning to get stiff and her back was aching. Just when she was about pack up and try a different location, she got a hit on her scanner indicating that the Plasmavore just walked into a butcher shop two doors over from her. River took one last sip from her tea, and made her way to the butcher shop. 

Upon entering, she overheard the creature and the shop owner discussing the recent passing of a member who resided in the creature’s household. “That’s it!”, River thought to herself. She can pose as a family member of the recently deceased, saying she has come to sort though their belongings. That way she can gain access to the household and keep tabs on this creature. All she needed was one piece of information and she could fake the rest. Nothing a little hallucinogenic lipstick couldn’t take care of. After a few minutes she heard exactly what she needed to, a name; well two names to be exact.  
As the creature was leaving, the owner of the shop bid her goodbye saying,  
“Well see you next time Ms. Thackery, and again, I am sorry to hear about Ms. Maude Holland. Give my best to the family.”

River took that as her cue. “Excuse me, Ms. Thackery? Allow me to introduce myself. I am Blanche Mottershead. Maude was my sister. I was just on my way to the household now to sort through her things, but I am terribly lost. I stopped here to get directions from the owner, but what luck that you are here. Would you mind if I travel back with you?”

Ms. Thackery, the Plasmavore, looked surprised. “I wasn’t aware Maude had a sister. You look at least 2 decades younger than her and I don’t recall her ever mentioning you.”

River had to think fast. She only had one chance to make it convincing. Despite the fact that her mind was racing, she delivered her explanation with a calm and somber tone, because she is supposed to be in mourning, after all, “Yes, well, you see, Maude was my half-sister. We grew up in different households, and with the obvious age difference, we were not very close during my upbringing. But nonetheless, she was family.”

The next few seconds felt like an eternity to River while she waited for Ms. Thackery’s response. “Well maybe she might of mentioned you once or twice. Well come on then, dear. Let me show you the way. And long as you are coming with me, make yourself useful.” She handed River one of the bags she was carrying and made her way to 165 Eaton Place.


	2. Why, Hello There.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weight of this situation did not occur to River until she was approaching the doorstep to 165 Eaton Place. Convincing Ms. Thackery of her identity was not her only obstacle. She was about to walk into a household full of residents who will want to know who she is.

The weight of this situation did not occur to River until she was approaching the doorstep to 165 Eaton Place. Convincing Ms. Thackery of her identity was not her only obstacle. She was about to walk into a household full of residents who will want to know who she is. River is no stranger to straying from the truth. When running with the Doctor, she lies all the time. She has to. But this situation is completely different. Lying to the Doctor is easy when she come from his future. She always knows what will happen next. The difficult part about this obstacle is that she is living in the present. She hasn’t the faintest idea of what lies beyond those doors. 

“Well then dear, here we are. Just down these stairs. This will take us directly into the kitchen.” Ms. Thackery tells River. They arrive at the door and Ms. Thackey opens it, as River takes a deep breath, preparing for who, or what, she will find inside. She follows close behind the Plasmavore as she enters the kitchen. River was relieved to find only one person, a young woman, in the kitchen peeling potatoes.  
“Oh good, Eunice. Here, take these parcels for me.” She says to the young woman as she takes the bag out of River’s hand and gives it to the woman. 

“I ran into Lady Holland’s half-sister in town today. Eunice, this is Blanche Mottershead. She has come to sort through Lady Holland’s personal effects.”

“Nice to meet you madam.” Eunice says from the other side of the kitchen. 

“And I you, Eunice.” River responds. 

“You can resume prepping for supper Euince. I am going to escort Ms. Mottershead upstairs to Sir Hallam and Lady Agnes.” Ms. Thackery says.  
“Follow me then dear.”

Sir Hallam and Lady Agnes. Another valuable piece of information that River acquired without even having to try. She was beginning to think that this was going to be easier than she originally thought. River followed Ms. Thackey up the stairs and into the main floor of the household. Upon entering the foyer, she sees a tall, thin, and rather handsome man just finishing up a phone call. She sees him look her way, turn around, and then do a double take back to her direction. She was preparing herself for an interrogation. 

Ms. Thackery is the first to speak. “Sorry to interrupt Sir Hallam, but I wanted to inform you of you aunt Blanche’s arrival. She has come to sort through Lady Holland’s estate.” 

The look on Sir Hallam’s face was one of confusion and shock. River was not sure whether he was going to ask for an explanation or just simply throw her out of his home instantly. But too much of her surprise, he says “Oh, um, hello. Aunt Blanche.” River can sense the uncertainty in his voice of if he should feel bad about not knowing who she was, and she takes that to her advantage. 

“Hello, Sir Hallam. I can tell that you are shocked to see me here. We have only met once before at a large family gathering. You were ever so young. I would not be surprised if my existence has escaped your mind. I doubt your mother spoke of me much. I was informed of my sister’s death by a mutual friend of ours who works at the British Museum.” River responded, hoping this was enough to convince him. Mind you, not all of that was a lie. While studying for her degree in Archeology, she visited the British Museum, not more than a few years off from this current time period. She had a liaison that worked at the museum, a friend, Sir Ivory Blake. He was also a time-traveler, but fell in love with this time period and decided to stay for awhile. She could tell by the luxury of this home that the Holland family was well-known, and that it would not take long for the word to spread about a death in this family. If Sir Hallam were suspicious of her and decided to ask around the museum, she was sure Sir Ivory would confirm her story. 

“Oh, I see. Yes. I do apologize. Well I am glad you are here. I have been meaning to sort though my mother’s belongings, but being a Foreign Office diplomat does keep me extremely occupied and my wife wouldn’t know where to begin.” Now she knows what he does for a living. Another piece of information. He says this with confidence, so River feels that her response was rather convincing, or that he is to concerned with Foreign matters to really give it much thought. Things seemed to be falling into place without her even having to try. River feels she is in the clear, but then he adds, ”If you don’t mind me asking, why were you not here to attend her funeral? Your timing is a bit less than desirable.”

River was not prepared for that question and is upset with herself for not anticipating to offer an explanation for why she did not attend her own sister’s funeral. She just starts to speak and hoping that her mind can come up with something. “Well, you see, Sir Hallam, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that.” River pauses and takes a deep breath. Sir Hallam is starring directly at her waiting for her response with a rather impatient look on his face. She begins to speak again, “And that explanation is that I am an Archeologist. I was on an expedition in Egypt. My friend, Sir Ivory Blake at the museum must of got wind of the news and sent for me straight away. I came as soon as I heard, but it a rather expeditious journey. But I am here now and that is what is important.” She started out a bit unpersuasive, but she felt confident of what she offered to him. Sir Hallam must have felt the same way. His expression changed, and for the first time in the entire conversation, it seemed that he was now looking at his long lost aunt and not a stranger standing in front of him. He responded with “Well when, welcome Aunt Blanche. Where is your luggage? I am assuming you were planning on staying here.”

River smiled back, doing her best to mimic his expression, seeing her long and forgotten nephew and said, “Oh, I was hoping that would be must suitable. My luggage should be arriving later on this evening.” What River really meant was that she would be using her Vortex Manipulator to travel back to Stormcage to fetch her things.

“Wonderful. Well I must get back to work.” Sir Hallam grabbed River’s hands and held them in his own, “I hope you will join myself and my family at supper. My wife, Lady Agnes would love to meet you.” River smiled and nodded. He lets her hands go, turns to Ms. Thackery and says “Now. Ms. Thackery, would you please escort Aunt Blanche to her sister’s living quarters please?”


	3. How Can You Be Here?

Chapter 3: How Can You Be Here? 

River had been settling into the Holland household quite nicely, being here nearly a week. Despite the gun incident involving Mr. Prichard and Mr. Amanjit, things seemed pretty quiet around the household. Ms. Thackery, the Plasmavore that provoked her visit in the first place, seemed to be keeping out of trouble. Since things were going so well, she decided that she would pay Sir Ivory Blake a visit. The British Museum was not far from the Holland household, and the weather outside was beautiful. She bid Mr. Amanjit farewell as she walked out the door. Taking a stroll on a breezy day, feeling the gentle heat of the sun on her skin is something she hasn’t experienced in a long time. She takes pleasure in every step, listening to her shoes hit the pavement with every stride, in no rush to get to the museum. 

River made her way up the steps and soon she found herself standing in the front lobby of the museum. She took a moment to scan the room and take in everything within her view. She hadn’t realized how much she missed being in a museum until that moment, surrounded by things that have survived through the test of time, long after their creators have perished. This thought immediately brings up thoughts of her husband. The image of his face was erased from her mind when her concentration was broken by a voice coming from behind her. 

“I thought that was you I saw walk in. I knew you would show up here eventually.” 

River was startled, but she knew the voice and turned around with a smile on her face. She sees a short, round bald man with red cheeks and square spectacles. “Ivory. Oh, so good to see you dear. I was hoping you would still be around.” She walks toward him and gives him a hug. 

“I thought about leaving, but I still have some time before thing escalate with Berlin. Might as well enjoy it while I can.” Sir Ivory Blake replies. “I heard there was a new face in the Holland household. When I heard the name, I was thrilled. Welcome back.” He added. 

“I had a sneaking suspicion that news travels fast around here, so I choose a name I had hoped you would recognize. Happy to know I was right.” River responded. Whenever River traveled to a new place with new people, she often liked to play a sort of character. Keeps things interesting. When she was traveling with Ivory during her studies, Blanche Mottershead was the name she chose. 

“Of course I know that name. It wasn’t that long ago that I saw you. And I hear you completed the program. Congratulations Dr. River Song, or should I saw Dr. Blanche Motterhead?” Sir Ivory Blake said, making a point to put emphasis on the Dr. 

“Thank you, darling. The Holland’s have been wonderful hosts, but I needed to get out for a bit, and you know I can never resist a museum. Since I am here  
and highly qualified, do you need any help?” River says. 

“Well, since you offered, I was planning on exchanging out some of the exhibits. There are some things in storage that I have been itching to display. I wouldn’t mind a bit of help. It isn’t glamorous work though. You might get your hands dirty.” Sir Ivory Blake responds, adding the last part with flirtatious intention. 

“Oh, Ivory. You know I don’t mind getting a bit dirty.” River added, throwing a wink his way.

“Nice to know things haven’t changed much with you, old friend.” Ivory says as he starts toward a side door marked “STAFF ONLY” and gesturing for her to follow him. 

He opened the door, motioning for her to go ahead of him. “This is our storage facility. New since you were here last. Allows us to change up the exhibits more often. Keeps people interested. Always something new to look at when they visit.” Ivory informed River. 

River’s face lit up. She couldn’t believe the size of this room, amazed that she was not able to see the wall opposite her. She was thrilled to have the opportunity to explore this place. “Ivory, this is spectacular. Where do we start?”

“Wherever you like dear. You can set your things down over here.” He gestured to a desk against the wall. “Tell you what, I have some things to take care of in the lobby. Should take an hour or so. Why don’t you take that time to look around in here for a bit and then we will work on moving things around.” Ivory tells her, knowing full well that she is fully engrossed in what she is seeing that she is barely listening to him. 

It takes River a few seconds, but she finally is able to produce a response from her lips. “Okay. Sounds good.” 

She hears the door close behind her. River walks over and lays her belongings down on the desk and slowly walks toward the first cluster of items. Ancient teacups. Primal weapons. Fossils of all kinds. She could spend hours in this room. She wanders around a bit more, trying to determine how far back this space actually goes. When she is in reaching distance of the back wall, something caught her eye. Something she had seen before. 

How could it be here? If it was here, how could she be here? It didn’t make any sense. But then again, when the Doctor is involved, things scarcely make sense. If this was here, then she should be locked in a time loop inside the TARDIS. There, tucked away in the corner of this storage place, was the Pandorica, holding her mother captive. She took a giant step forward in the Pandorica’s direction. If the Pandorica was here, then the Last Centurion had to be around here somewhere. Then the reality of this situation hit her like a slap in the face. She went from absolutely thrilled to absolutely crushed in a matter of seconds. 

As much as she would like to over there and say hello to her father, she thought better of it. Things are complicated enough without her interfering. Despite being half Time Lord, it was still difficult to work out time lines, even her own. The only time line she seemed to keep straight was her husband’s. She quickly turned and made her way back to the door leading into the museum, feeling trodden. As soon as she reached for the door handle, Ivory opened it from the other side. 

He saw the look of concern on her face. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes, fine. You just scared me is all. Ready to get to work?” River flashes him a smile that is not in the least bit sincere, but Ivory does not detect the falseness in her expression. She has become quite skilled at hiding her pain. When traveling with the Doctor, it is something she has to do quite often. It is not a skill she is proud to have, but is a skill of necessity.


End file.
